


Three is Company

by wheniwrite28



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Change of tags from Fluff to angst, Crowley is a Little Shit, Crowley is cute?, F/M, First Dates, First Everything, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nerd Castiel, Nerd Dean, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Pining, Smartass Sam, maybe fluff and angst, more tags will be added as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 03:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12312855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheniwrite28/pseuds/wheniwrite28
Summary: What happens when Castiel and Dean share a bench together for two years?What happens when you are not ready for love but love is ready for you?What happens when you want to let go but you can't.Or, Castiel and Dean have known each other their entire life, yet they no longer talk to each other, pretend they are strangers. When they are forced to share a bench in school for an infinite time in their opinion, do the old wounds heal or new wounds open up.PS- Work on hold as author is suffering from no inspiration. Comment if you read this and know how to make the story go forward





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first long fic- so here are some fun facts and figures-
> 
> 1\. This is my high school nostalgia making its way into this fic.  
> 2\. Schooling system is American, but no place as such will be discussed in the fic, except the Roadhouse.  
> 3\. There maybe indian jokes- so if you dont find them funny, please laugh anyway, make the author happy.  
> 4\. The story updates every monday-IST  
> 5\. Lastly, I am not big on places or time but this story follows the story of Dean and Castiel over two years of senior high school.  
> 6\. Dean and Cas are 16, Sam and Gabriel are 14. Rest of the characters age will be implied
> 
> Leave a comment, kudos or error report, I will fix it or just be happy.

He wakes up with a start. It has been a good dream. A very good dream. He is trying very hard to hold on to that dream. It has wild hair and ocean blue eyes. The kind of blue that you see and want to dip your toes in. The purity of it. He sees it. He sees all of it. There is something so happy about the dream that Dean wants to hold on to it. 

He looks towards the alarm clock besides his bed and it reads 3 am. Well, there is so much time left for the first day of rest of two whole miserable years. He wonders if he could go back to sleep, will he see the same dream, for once in god forsaken miserable life be happy, although he knows it could be worse. 

He has a kid brother who looks up to him and maybe, maybe, these two years won't be that bad. At least not horrible. He knows he has some decent chance at future, even if it is not bright. It is going to be okay. It IS going to be okay, he mumbles as sleep envelopes him once more.

***

There is a fury of green all around him; he sees it in non obvious ways. There are green fields around him, he is wearing green. It is overwhelming to say the least. Castiel wants out of the dream. Have you ever been in a dream where it seemed that you were struck and no matter how much you wanted to get out of it but you felt paralyzed? It seems like a happy dream, but he doesn't feel happy particularly. 

Slowly the dream turns, becomes milder, better. Maybe it is his own anxiety over school that is making way through his subconscious, he wonders, as the dream continues. The green slowly fades, to more subtle undertones, and it soothes him, the green duvet he finds himself in the dream.

He wakes up, almost in a slow- passive way. He looks at his clock, which reads 3am, he wonders if he could go back to sleep. He is too anxious. Too wound down. So he gets up, goes to the table across his bedroom, and switches on the table lamp, takes his drawing pad out and starts sketching that feeling he had the end of the dream. He never goes back to sleep.


	2. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet but not really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

It is the first day in a long list of days. They are going to be here for four years. The worst, the classrooms have changed. They are going from two people benches to three people. Dean had to transfer to nth school because of his father’s job and now he was in some new age school, where they thought if students sat together it would be better for emotional growth. What bullcrap that was. They wanted to save money on benches and that was that. 

So, students who didn’t know each other had to sit together and awkward it is going to be. But he was not going to be four years, two, two years and he would be free of being in school. Then the freedom he craves. But now is the not the time to reminisce or even fantasize. He needs to get to the class and he is already running late. Running late, ha, it was sort of ironic that he had woken up at 7 and had only half an hour to take a bath- which he will tell you he didn’t, prepare breakfast or find how much milk and cereal was left, and if it was enough for both Sammy and him. Turns out he got one banana and Sammy got lucky charms. And it was good.

A more idyllic environment thanks god for small mercies, he was already in kitchen when Sam had come down all happy with the start of school. He knew his brother was happy to be attending the same school as him. He has already poured the cereal and asked Sammy to pour milk by himself. Honestly he couldn’t care less if the cereal went first or the milk. The whole debate seemed pointless if you have food only for one. It was good enough that the milk had not gone bad; he must have forgotten to check yesterday. Since both of them had been running late, he had run out of home almost immediately after finishing breakfast. Rushing had made Dean to forget coffee. 

Shit, shit, son of bitch. He had mentally cursed. Outside where his baby sits is an empty spot and he knows that his dad has taken the impala and they would have to walk to school. The bus would have already left. There is no other way but walk 5 blocks for school. Now, he knows his day is fucked. Was it even any grand before? So, yeah, the day is not getting any better. He knows his class schedule and he is at least happy that he gets to lunch with Sammy. He got some lunch money that he stole from his father’s wallet. How much of your life is anything worthwhile if you are stealing money from your father because he is too drunk or pre-occupied to give himself. Maybe in the far past he was a good person and a dad, but now, he is shell of what used to be. 

All Dean knows that he needs to find a job more than this facade of a school he is doing right now and more than that he wishes he had baby with him and this whole problem of walking could be avoided but no, his father had to skip on them, the first day of school. Sammy is walking besides him, all hyped up about these benches, schools, studies, most things in general, mostly being a freshman. He ruffles Sammy’s hair because what are big brothers for. 

“Dean, please.” Sam is giving him his best bitch face. 

“Okay, kid. Here is lunch money for you. Go now, be a nerd or whatever.” 

“Jerk,” Sam pokes his tongue out and takes a turn to meet more geeky friends of his. 

He knows he is supposed to say bitch to this daily banter but he is kind of in his own head, too much going on in his life to be just be one thing. So, Sam had already left before he could even utter those words and Dean is walking towards his locker and he catches glimpse of Gabriel, the youngest of the Novaks and most hyper or on a sugar high. It is tough to tell with Gabriel, who has not grown an inch since the last year, and is wearing some really flamboyant clothes. He has pink icing on his hands.

When is the young Novak without anything sugary? What interests Dean is that Gabriel is with his brother, that nerd who is always wearing that tan trench coat. How is he not hot? But Dean can’t complain too much, he is after all wearing, a white t-shirt, some flannel and his father’s leather jacket. Wonder why he couldn’t forget the impala like forgot his jacket. Still Dean is not as big a freak as that Novak guy. He is just that poor kid, who is too beautiful to be handsome. He is taking his books out, when he sees Castiel, with his unruly hair and Dean notices that “what a freak” face is still very much on Dean’s face and Castiel’s disgusted face can tell him such. Crap! The day just got worse. 

***

It was going to be awful. No doubt about it. How could it be any better? Why are students and parents not rebelling against this atrocity called three students benches. They made no sense to Castiel. How on earth was he supposed to share his space with two more people, with his books and pens and other stationary. 

"Cassie, you are thinking too hard," Gabriel his younger brother poked him in the stomach. Although Gabriel has not grown over 5'6", he always seemed bigger given his loud personality. But then, he loved Gabriel, in an ‘I am annoyed but still love you sibling kind of way’. 

"Yes, Gabriel, I know that, but this is hardly wise to do so. I see no merit in this." Castiel sighed. No one cares. People were happy, now they could hold hands, punch people or just generally be hooligans in the classes. He was thankful that there were only two years of this left.

He couldn't this if t had started the sophomore year. He was friendless and new. Most of his brothers and sisters had already graduated from school and he was the eldest Novak remaining, apart from Gabriel, who mostly annoyed him at home as they had very different routines. Now they shared their walk from school to home and lunch together. 

He was positive that without his group of friends, it would have been worse, Charlie and Kevin did make the last year easier than his freshman year, where everyone thought he was a freak in a dirty trench coat over. He didn't care, doesn't care, he repeats to himself. It is all in the past.

Lost in his thought, near his locker, Gabriel has already left, for some latest prank or just for being a Neanderthal. Speaking of apes, the worst person on planet earth and with ape-ish tendencies is standing near him. Giving him ‘what a freak look.’ Castiel doesn't flinch and takes his AP physics book and leaves for his first class. He will not get deterred by any complications now. He needs to get through these years. He has a plan and he needs to stick to it.


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they meet finally. There is Meg and Crowley too.
> 
> Trigger warning- Panic attacks
> 
> I am new to this whole trigger warning thing, if you think there is something triggering in the chapter let me know, I will add triggers for the people who might get affected by it and if were affected by it, I am sorry. I am rarely fazed by anything, hence ignorance on my part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I am wheniwrite28 on tumblr. I am trying to be punctual, so most likely the chapters will be there on Mondays. I kinda don't want to limit myself to a day, so if I get a chapter before, I will post it. More the merrier right.
> 
> ALSO, 13.01 'Lost and Found' killed me, hope you people survived.

Dean hopes against all hope that he doesn’t have any period with Castiel, after that awkward encounter near the lockers. He doesn’t understand why he couldn’t keep a better poker face. But alas when has Dean ever made any choice which has not lead to a confrontation. Still, he prayed to all the gods that he didn’t have to endure one class with Castiel. 

That would have been God’s wish if Dean was a religious person but he knew that every curse in the world when he saw that Castiel was sitting alongside Meg, who had a bored expression on her face and Castiel was grimacing. He was sure as the day was progressing that he was assigned that seat and yeah, as all the other seats in the classroom was filled. 

There was an empty besides Castiel. Meg was sitting way too close to him and he kept scooting to the other side. Making more space by Meg but she had put her books there, so even if Dean had thought he was welcomed there, he was not. 

“Where do I sit on this awful bench?” Dean speaks to no one in particular. He looks at both of them though.  
Meg speaks before Castiel gets a chance. “I am not sitting between you two sweaty ass dudes, so figure out princesses, a system as how you want to sit. My position is fixed, “She smirks. 

“So…” Dean looks expectantly at Castiel because he can’t sit in the middle. 

“If you are thinking I am going to sit in the middle of you and that demon, you think again. I am not.” Castiel wondered if he could give up the seat for those eyes but no, he is not going to be the saintly one. 

“Please,” Dean raises his eyebrow, willing Castiel to just listen to him. He needs some sort of win today. 

“Fine, but if we share more classes, you are taking that damn middle seat and we switch and if she pinches me I am going to kiss you…” He is prattling of his long list of things he wants Dean to do and suddenly he is speaking and speaking and he could hear himself say… what he heard.

“What,” Dean squeaks, he splutters. The blush on his face should not be adorable and Castiel should not want to do illegal things to him. He is surprised that he feels anything at all. He has seen people with interest before but no one with this impact.

He focuses again, with Meg laughing by their side, “please keep your eye sex outside of this class and the teacher is here, so…” She doesn't finish her sentence and they both scramble to sit beside each other. 

And it is very- very awkward. They are too big to fit together on the bench and everyone is touching everyone or is it just Castiel and Dean. Meg looks all too at ease at her side of the bench.

“Can you stop wiggling?” Dean hisses

“Yes, I will when I sit on the end, I am stuck between two people and I have no place to put my hands, so if you would shut up and let me try to figure out how to sit here and not kill you, like I meant to tell you the last time, I would be extremely grateful.” Castiel doesn’t care that the AP Physics teacher, Mr Crowley is speaking in his pompous accent or that he is speaking at all. 

“Okay-okay.” Dean mumbles. 

“Lovely for everyone to join for the class, this is for your benefit.” Crowley gives both Castiel and Dean a pointed look and moves on, without pointing at them.

They fidgeted some more, there was just not enough space and Castiel felt more claustrophobic than anyone else in the class, he could feel his arms brush against Dean’s. There were always random touches and it has been only 5 minutes. Dean shifted slightly to his end, to give more space to him and he didn’t know what to do with it. Their elbows still were touching.

“Castiel, Cas, stop, man, Stop. You are going to get both of us in trouble.” Dean whispered under his breath.

“I know, this is hard, sitting with two other people and you being in the middle, but take a deep breath.” Castiel couldn’t believe the biggest asshole of the school was being nice to him. 

But he did what Dean told him. It was better than the anxiety that threatened to overtake him. It helped but not much. Every sound in the room was becoming white noise.

There was a hand on his hand, and the pressure was anchoring him to the present. “Cas, shit, do you need to go to the nurse’s office. I knew these benches were a terrible idea.” He trailed of; knowing his abhorrence of the situation was not helping anyone.

“Just hold on to me.” When did Castiel and Dean become friends? Because this seemed awfully like that, and Castiel didn’t know how to handle it. But he doesn’t let go. In a few minutes, he will be able to get the breathing under control, the voices will turn muted.

When he concentrates, there is a noise of activity going around him, when he notices that Dean and he are still holding hands, it is more, Dean holding onto his band, rhythmic squeezes letting him know, he is okay. He is okay.

“Hey I am okay now,” he clears his throat. The class is still going on, oblivious to the panic that seized Castiel.

“Are you sure,” It is kind of peculiar as both of them are looking ahead, yet both of them pay no heed to what is being taught and Physics in an accent is a great lullaby. 

“Yeah, don’t think, this will change anything.” He needs to put these thoughts into words for he can’t know if it did change anything.

“Never,” Dean smirks. Still looking ahead and still holding his hand apparently.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still day one going on. Both Can and Dean are not sure what to make of hand holding during a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter will be the last chapter in the attraction building, hopefully. Yes, next chapter will have major UST. I am trying to move the story along but both of them are quite stubborn so...
> 
> Also, next few chapters will be named something- so yeah, (I am not sure who is reading these notes but if you are, this is for you.)
> 
> If you like this, leave a comment, kudos.

Fuck, I just had a panic attack. Castiel thinks to himself. That was not how his senior year in high school was supposed to go. He was not supposed to be having panic attacks and holding hands with Dean, shit, he was still holding hands with Dean. Urgh. He tried to move his hand out of Dean’s solid grip and when he did let go, Cas felt a strange ache for the possible loss of contact. He was in school and this is not want he wanted

Mr Crowley is droning on and on about some book no one cares about. I mean who wants to know what The outsider by Albert Camus. A man killed a person, hang him. What is the big deal, Castiel thinks. But he wanted to get a good grade. Everyone has been slotted in neat little boxes and Castiel was a nerd, working hard, keeping his head down and making sure that his college plan was successful.

They had to make partners of three and as people have already were three in number on the fucking benches, and Meg was giving them a bored look which conveyed that she was going to be no help. Fuck. And Dean was not known for his big brains, just brawn, this project had 25% of the marks and they had to make a presentation from the point of view of the protagonist. That is going to be a hoot.

Castiel was furiously writing in his notebook. Dean gave him a pleading look. 

"Hey! Meg is not going to help us, do it is only us! And I hate Crowley and most likely the feeling is mutual." Dean whispered. 

 

Finally the class was over and Dean was still speaking as the class cleared out and Meg left without even asking about the project. So yay, she was not going to help for sure. 

 

People and their inability to be good group mates. At least Dean was still hear and talking. " so yeah, I have work after school and I have to take my brother home, and then watch him. We can meet after school, maybe?" 

 

Castiel was unsure if spending time alone with Dean was wise. He knew he felt something for the green eyed devil but he was not going to out himself, before he reached college. The plan, the fucking plan was more important, and the grade was vital for that plan. Hence Castiel was stuck.

 

"Okay, I have some shifts at the java place downtown and I think I can come before that." Castiel acquiesced.

 

This is going to be a fucking disaster. He could smell Dean as he went past him and nothing was doing him any good. Fuckity fuck fuck.

 

He rushed towards his next class which was with Charlie. And she was standing outside giving him a meaning full glance.

 

"Who are you sitting with then?" She knew that Castiel would have preferred to sit alone even if it was supposed to be three people per seat.

 

"Meg and Dean," he tried as hard he could to put no affliction when he said Dean's name. It was stupid to think that holding hands while having a panic attack meant anything and he was not going to do something that made him to follow through his plan.

 

"Dean Winchester?" Charlie's eyes widened. Okay, so Castiel had a crush on Dean longer than he would ever tell a living soul but Charlie has known without being told, like she knew what Castiel was, nope he would not say that out loud, not even in his head. Keep your head down, pretend like you are a good boy and live when you reach college, has been Castiel's mantra for so long, he didn't know any different now.

 

"Yes and not a word, please." His resolve was shaky at best already. Thankfully she didn't say much and they sat together along with Kevin, who was buried under his world history book. So yeah. It was okay for now.

 

***

Dean moved out of the classroom, he needs to punch something before all this, all of Castiel overwhelmed him. This was a disaster. He needed to be there for the next class before he blew a fuse.

 

Meet with Victor and Benny, get through the day, get Sammy and leave. Small goals, just one messy hair, blue eyed dude didn't come in contact with him. Fuck, they had that project that they would have to do together. They were going to be disaster worse than any disaster, it was bad.

 

He took a deep breath, put on the classic Dean Winchester face and walked to his auto class. The one class where he knew more than most classmates and it made him feel a little less worthless.

 

"Dean, brother, why are you thinking so hard?" Benny knew about Dean's proclivity to think too much and make a mess of a complete innocent situation. 

 

"Nothing, I just wish this new age principal to just go to a new age hippie school, because I can't handle this fru fru shit. What is next, vegan food!" He was agitated may not have been. Because of what was going in school but almost all was bad.

 

"Relax, it is the first day, let's get our hands dirty in auto class and feel better. I know you will feel better and I will when you are less agitated." Benny had a point, he should just focus on short goals, as his fucking guidance counsellor. 

 

Fuck, Dean needed to keep his head down for Sammy and let these two years go. Hopefully the blue eyed bastard will not have any more panic attacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say hi to me here
> 
> Also, I do semi daily destiel dribbles and I am doing season 13 codas there, check that out maybe!


	5. Awareness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean and Caa sit together too closely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... I know it is not Monday but yeah whatever. I thought I will surprise one person who reads this? Maybe. Probably. Anyways, enjoy the chapter. 
> 
> I am trying to get the pace of the story to increase but since I don't really write in present tense, it is very difficult to find a balance of story and how I want things to go.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!

Have you ever consciously taken a breath? It seems unnatural because it comes naturally to you. Castiel had gone home, somehow making through the entire day yesterday and not hyperventilate anytime he saw Dean. He considers that a win in his eyes. 

He prays to all gods that he has known in his life, okay that is Jesus Christ, unlike Hindus who have 33 crores of them. Wonder what they are doing with that many gods. But yeah praying, he has not even finished his homework, he was stressed for what will happen the next day.

Tossing and turning in his childhood bedroom which has always made him feel comforted, because he dreaded what the next day will bring. But here he is, still sitting in the middle and utterly conscious of the solid presence of Dean. He had known Dean almost all his life and they have never given each other any thought or he has not given much thought to Dean, not a lot, leaving that one time at 3 am. No, he will never ever discuss that again.

He knows how far Dean is sitting, how much he craves to just scoot a little that side to brush against Dean. Maybe he can accidently see what is going on the other rows. Castiel mentally self flagellation to remind himself, that this is not appropriate. 

Mr. Crowley is again trying to engage the class by bullying some kid with his humorless humor. 

“So, Brain, tell us what were you doing yesterday in class when I gave you that assignment? Not paying attention, otherwise you won’t ask me the name of the book again?” Mr Crowley sneered. Maybe that man was a demon like Meg. But maybe a bigger demon than Meg, he certainly behaved that way.

“Sorry Mr Crowley.” And Brain had sat down and tried really hard not to cry. In all this commontion or simply the class going on, Dean has shifted to his side to look closely at Brain. 

Brain misfires, there were sparks, there were goosebumps, there was some thundering in Castiel’s chest. Dean was that close to Castiel that he could smell the little whiff of shampoo and some cologne? Deodorant? natural odor? It was something musky and earthier. Like the smell of burnt earth after the first shower of rain. It smelled of that. 

Dean stiffened a little, then he realized that he was pressed against him with his nose sort of, kind of buried in Dean’s neck. This was going to be awful. 

***

“Sorry, you were really close to me.” Castiel murmured. 

Since Castiel and Dean were sitting really close to each other, Castiel’s breath fell on Dean’s ears. The words whispered in mock intimacy and Dean shivered.

They had yet to move away from each other. What was happening, first the accidental handholding, now this? Dean was the first to move by acknowledging Castiel’s words with a grunt and a nod. He moved to the edge of the seat and started taking notes from Mr Crowley, who was going on something about subjugation of people or maybe that was history and Mr Crowley was taking about rhyming scheme of Wordsworth. Who knows. Dean certainly didn’t.

All he could focus on was how Castiel’s hand moved, and sometimes Dean’s shoulder brushed against his as the bench couldn’t really accommodate them and Meg, who kept one book between Castiel and her, just to fuck with them

‘Son of a bitch,’ Dean mentally thought. This is going to be a torture for next two years. He knew he will share more classes with Castiel and Meg. Not Meg, maybe someone kind hearted who let them be.

The class went on with the same flow, they tried to move away from each other, Dean one time almost falling down to not in any way touch Castiel. But the awareness that he was there had got carved in his brain. Now he couldn’t un-carve it. He was a slave to the thoughts that plagued him.

He moved to get a pencil for himself, when Castiel too moved and their fingertips brushed. Fuck, he was behaving like a virgin bride on her wedding night and she was touched for the first time. 

“I am sorry.” Both said in unison. 

“It’s okay.” Again at the same time. Maybe they should just stop and not think. 

Next fourty five minutes went into not thinking about it. More times, they got close to each other, sparks still the same, same electric feeling. 

No, this was not working. Castiel was huffing on his side and so was Dean. So, Dean did the most logical thing for himself and took Castiel’s hand in hand and asked him to stop under his breath.

“Please, relax; don’t work yourself into panic dude. It is fine. This is normal, Meg is a bitch and she is the reason there is so little space for us.” Mr Crowley was writing something on the board. Rest of the class was choosing to bury themselves in their notebooks.

Dean could feel the tension melting away and slowly the breathing pattern became normal for Castiel. The class went on, Dean knew that they were both aware of each other but at least now, they sort of acknowledged it and Castiel was not panicking.

***

This was the second panic attack in two days, he mused. Castiel had attended all the classes in similar classrooms with similar people but only with Dean he felt that his heart leapt out of his chest and wanted to hug Dean. The image was so gruesome that it made Castiel smile and he could see the relief in Dean’s eyes.

“Can I sit at the corner, I don’t think this middle place agrees with me?” He pleaded with his eyes. Blue, too blue, made clear with some tears.

“Of course, I don’t want your heart giving out on me, before you finish the project.” Dean grinned.

Maybe, just maybe there would be no panic attack the third time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the story, leave a comment- it can be string of letters, a smiley, or even just a kudos.
> 
> All of it welcome.


	6. Acknowledgment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are attracted and they want to do something. More crumbs of plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to put in as many chapters as I can, so that I can finish the story before I get a writer's block. 
> 
> If it makes no sense to you, the story I mean, just go with it, I am making it up as I go along.
> 
> Also thank you for your kudos and subscriptions.
> 
> Updates every Monday IST. And any other day it strikes my fancy.

Dean had been sitting behind that tree for a quiet a while now. It was that tree that started this all. In ways he never anticipated. He needs to get up and make something for Sam. He has been sitting here thinking and trying to suppress all the feelings that come with accepting himself.

He remembers so clearly, the slap, that one slap that changed what started this all. He knows, that he shouldn’t think about it. It was not that big of a deal but when you are a kid, everything becomes bigger and better sometimes and worse other times. You don’t know how to handle both at the same time. Amplification of situations, trauma, all of it leads to how we shape as adults. He is not going to think of such shit anymore. 

“Come inside, Dean” Sam shouts from inside the house. He knows the evening is about to end. Sam is going to chatter way and let the voices inside his head die down. John is going to be inconspicuously be absent. He calls him John in his head sometimes. It makes him separate from his father that dies some 13 years ago. It makes more sense to Dean, he promises.

“Coming, short stack,” He yells back. Stay in character. Be the big brother he always has been. 

“How is school going?” Sam asks him, that is definitely new. Mostly Sam talks about himself. Tells him stories, knowing Dean needs a distraction.

“Okay, you know.” He is sure his little brother really doesn't know. He doesn't tell anyone about his demons. They stay locked in with him. 

“You never tell me, Dean really. But anyways, I am sitting with Jessica and Gabriel. You know Gabriel right, he is Castiel’s younger brother.” Hearing his name gives Dean a pause. He is taking out mac and cheese box from the cupboard.

“Yes, what about him, I know him. And Jessica is sitting with you, really?” He hopes that his voice doesn't give anything away and his way to deflect works. 

“Jessica is, and so is Gabriel. It is good, we are in science together and also in history. I think this year is going to be amazing.” Sam says and Dean knows in his heart that he does believe that. That sort of naïve optimism that Dean lacks.

***  
Dean is sitting after school for their project, Castiel is late. He never knew that he could be late. The chair is empty and suddenly there he is. All 5’11” of him, out of breathe and looking flushed.

“I am sorry, the new club Charlie is trying to open, forms took longer than usual.” He knows that Castiel is friends with someone named Charlie but he doesn't understand the rest.  
Castiel wonders how much more he can over-share. 

“Okay,” Dean gives him a puzzled look as to why he is getting this information.

“Right sorry, let’s work.” Castiel is sitting opposite Dean, and the table is not that big. So, whenever one of them moves, their knees brush each other.

It would have been normal, a month back, a year back, hell all their life back. But now, Castiel feels them in his bone, these touches. He has acknowledged that Dean Winchester is handsome and lovely to look at. His brain can’t shut up when there is barest of touches. 

He will power through. They are trying to figure out what maybe the protagonist’s motivations. Why he doesn't feel any sadness over his mother’s death.  
“This is strange, how can you not feel sadness when your mother dies?” Dean questions him.

They were just reading. They had decided to read five chapters each and discuss and move forward. Instead of reading the whole thing. See what they perceptions were through the book and did they change once they have read the entire book. 

“Yes, maybe he didn't have the best relationship with his mother and hence it is okay for him.” Castiel takes the pencil in his hand and puts it in his mouth and starts chewing, It is downright sinful, the way his lips look around a pencil and they are discussing something that hits right home for Dean, yet Castiel’s presence is distracting.

“Maybe so, I don't know, I still don’t think his nonchalance is normal.” They move again, together. It is peculiar to feel all of this at the same time.

They feel like puppets whose string has been let lose, they are not cut off but they don't feel as bounded too. They are starting at each other, Castiel sees that Dean has a habit of doing that around him.

“That is no reason. You can’t just feel that it is not normal. It is an assumption on the jury part and that is what we don't have to do.” Catsiel is playing the devil’s advocate. He can understand the detachment but he doesn’t want Dean to know that, not right now. 

They are shuffling some papers, Cas is writing something, Dean wants to see, because Castiel should see his point. He doesnt even know why he is adamant. Somehow the conversation seems just a farce to him. Something understated is going on. 

He tries to take the paper, he doesn’t want to rip it, he tugs at it. Castiel should let go but he hold on tight. It makes Dean all the more curious.  
He gets up to take the paper. Or just glance over. He sees nothing, the paper is empty But Castiel has moved to and they are both closer to each other than before. A breathe way. Castiel is clutching the paper in his hand. 

Castiel can feel Dean’s gaze on him and the paper in his hand, which has Dean Winchester’s name doodles on the paper. He would not show his subconscious mind shame to anyone, especially not the reason for same.

He acknowledges that Dean and Cas are too close, if he moves a little forward, his lips will fall on Dean’s. They don't do that.  
It is not what they do, they stay there, suspended.


	7. Proximity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They kiss, maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so this is going to be the shortest chapter of all. I would say thank you to all the subscribers. I hope you will enjoy this story till the end and all the other people too.
> 
> Have fun with this!
> 
> Kudos and comments are welcomed.

There are four stages of attraction, is being attracted to someone, duh! Then comes the awareness of that attraction or that person. Next is proximity. Right now, they are at stage 3.

Dean is cursing himself inside for not moving, for yet not moving. They can just do this. The library is relatively empty and he is just breathing way. That would mean that he feels something for Cas. That would mean admitting about his fragile views about his own sexuality. He doesn’t want to think about this. What would this all mean?

Cas takes that decision out of his hand, he moves a inch closer and there they are lips pressed against each other. Dean would point out that he has not moved his place, just holding firm but Cas has moved. Both of them or none of them try to do more, just standing still or awkwardly bending over a table.

The wiring has short circuited in both their minds, a book is dropped and that breaks Cas and Dean out of their trance and they leap backwards. The awkwardness thick in the air, Dean avoids eye contact with Cas. 

What do you say now, I am not gay. Say some homophobic bullshit or maybe just say no homo. He doesn’t say any of that. It has already been said enough to them, they don’t need more of that.

“I am sorry,” Cas says it first. Is he really sorry? Or he is pretending to be for Dean’s sake. He is no longer sure. They have been pretending for so long that it seems natural now.

“Say something,” Cas implores, Dean has yet to move, fixed he is in his position of unknown paralysis. 

They both move, around the table, for reasons unknown to them, gravity pulling them, laws of nature compelling them. They move and stand in front of each other. Unshakable and unmovable.


	8. Reciprocity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It happens and it doesn't happen. Plot, plot and some plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am ill, have flu. And i dont even know if you care about that or you just stumbled upon this fic of mine and saw wow, this has really short chapters(sorry, I am little bratty when I am ill). Well, I lost my rhythm, the last week has been awful.
> 
> The only reason anything is getting uploaded is because I didnt want to break the monday promise. 
> 
> Also, I might get another chapter before this week is over. Hopefully.

Dear Universe,

I hate you,

Sincerely,

Castiel’s heart

His heart was thudding inside his body, making its presence felt. That had happened. And he knew it may never happen again. This was too much angst logically for Castiel. He had decided early on when he first laid eyes on Dean that Dean and he would never be together and it was due to so many factors and mostly it was because of that one time. 

**Flashback:**

The first time Castiel laid eyes on Dean, he was merely 13 years old. He had just moved to a new neighborhood. 

His mother had made him take cookies for Castiel’s house. He had bought Sam along. 

When the doorbell had rung, Castiel’s mother had been washing the dishes, so it was on him to get the door. Gabriel was firmly planted in front of the tv with his candy. There was no way he was getting up.

The sight that welcomed him when he had opened the door, was not the one he had anticipated. The green eyed boy was standing in front of him, with a plate full of cookies.

Before Castiel could speak, Dean had said, “Hi I am Dean and I live next door to you. My mum sent me with these cookies for y’all.” There was a certain shyness with which Dean spoke. 

“Hi,” He took the cookies from Dean’s out stretched hands and thanked him, “would you like to come inside?” He offered. It was polite and what was Castiel if not polite.

“No, I promised my little brother I will play with him, maybe next time,” Dean had supplemented. 

And even though Castiel felt that Dean was placating him, they had hung out and they had hung out some more. 

**Present time**

He had forgotten a time when it was not awkward between them, when they could hang out without what happened hanging over them, now this was one more thing added to the list of things they had between them, creating chasms after chasms that Castiel seemed unable to break or even understand how to break free of. 

 

***

Dean was moving at a hyper pace, he needed to get out of the library and in the safe comfort of baby. He doesn’t remember if he took all the books or not or even if had the brain to take his bag. None of that matters now. 

The very foundation of his being has shook and he needs some pie, his scrawny brother and some food, before he can even think about it. 

Baby is parked at the farthest corner of the parking lot and gives Dean enough time to think about what happened.

Why couldn’t he just learnt from his mistakes, his father voice echoed that he was worthless and nothing he could do would change that fact. He always rationalized that his father disappointment was more with Dean living and breathing than any other stuff he had fucked up. Moreover what he was also remained a point of contention. How could it not, it was not for men to like other men, they needed to find their own apple pie life. What if Dean didn’t want one, what if he would have liked being an abomination. 

His mind swirled with thoughts on and on. He wondered if Castiel will ever forget his past transgressions. Just forgive him and maybe Dean wouldn’t feel so guilty after that. 

***  
Castiel is still rooted in the place where Dean had haphazardly left him and ran away. He wonders if it serves him right to be reminded that nothing good happens to him. Not to people like him. Isn’t want his parents insinuate every time there is a conversation about Castiel’s future?

He thinks that it is lie perpetuated by every human that now is the time to work hard. Now is the time to figure out life. Castiel had already figured his life out. Far far way from here. This place was not for him. He had known since the first time, his parents had questioned why couldn’t he just try hard to fit in? Why couldn’t he be less gay, as if it was in his hands. Dean leaving him, after what happened solidifies that all he has left is the plan. 

This is his plan and he is going to stick to it, he thinks as he doodles in his notebook. He would be okay. That is how life works. You pay your dues and it turns out okay. It may not be much, it may not give him happiness but it would give him some solid footing. 

Very slowly he packs up his bags, methodically, every second after a painful reminder of what went down. He sees Dean’s notebook, lying down on the ground, discarded, almost reminiscent of him in the moments happening now. 

The only paradoxical aspect of the whole thing was the ghost of lips that still haunted him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update: The previous chapter has been edited and more content had been added to it. Now it may seen a little more coherent. Kindly check that out. I am working on this chapter and it may come out at the end of the day.

Check chapter 8 for updated chapter


	10. Subterfuge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First kiss? Or may be not. Maybe just instinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, so I edited the last chapter. I couldn't move forward without putting a better version of it. Hence the new chapter was easier to write. Also, thanks for who is still following this story. It truly means the world to me.
> 
> As an aside, fluff has been changed the angst. Because I am an idiot and can't write fluff for the life of me.

Charlie had been too enthusiastic about this new club she was going to start soon. Castiel wants to muster some semblance of enthusiasm for her. She had been planning to open since sophomore year but then principle, Zacariah was a homophobic bastard and didn’t want them to open the club. He might not have given the exact same reason and the club was caught under a lot of administrative tap that Charlie was unable to get through for last two years.

When Miss Mosely become the principle, Charlie had tried once again and as you know it, it had been approved without much hassle. It had been about finding one faculty who would back up the and surprisingly Mr Crowley had said yes.   
Castiel hopes that their good luck sticks, at least Charlie deserves one good thing in her life. 

“I am talking about us and our rights and you are off to your own dream world, come back to the Queen, Castiel.” Charlie would have said more but they were walking to lunch period. 

“I am here, where else could I be?” He wonders if it shows on his face, the panic he feels within. 

“So, you know what I was talking about, before I hit on the back of your head?” She smirks. 

“Yes, about the club and how you are happy that Crowley is the in charge. Seriously that man has issues.” He trailed off. Castiel was even sure why he was participating in this conversation, his best friend right.

“What is going on with you, do you want me to Yoda the story out of you or you will tell me on your own?” They were sitting in the study hall and Castiel has no patience for this conversation. He already had dissected what happened yesterday enough. What did happen yesterday, he keeps wondering why he is not naming it? Was it a fluke? If something happens twice, is it really a fluke?

**Flashback**

****They were going to kiss again. He finally acknowledged to himself. It is going to happen. And it is something about kissing someone for the first time, it is weird and there are a lot of expectations attached to them. He shouldn’t really over think this stuff but he can’t focus on how Dean is moving closer to him or that he would soon make contact with his lips, as they are an alien species.** **

******But it kind of was alien, to touch lips and feel pleasure from it. Which other species did that? Here suspended in this moment, when his own chapped lips, met the most plump lips of his life, 16 years and counting, he knew that heaven was not to different from these moments that he loved, he lived and he fore took.** ** **

******Dean’s hands were in his hair, anchoring him in the kiss. Their lips are moving in tandem, an ancient knowledge, an instinct, to just how to move. In a way, he stopped thinking, and was lost in the moment.** ** **

****It should have moved to more but it turned slow and Dean’s hand, moving down his back, holding him there, Cas kept his hands on his shoulders. The world came back in focus, when their old librarian started clearing her throat and asked, “take this outside,”** **

****They slowly, moved away, Dean, not meeting his eyes. “Unhh..” Is all he said, before, he went to his side of the table and took all his belonging and ran like a scared coward he could be.** **

****Baffled, Castiel had stood there. One of the best moments of his life, tarnished by the insensitivity of a 16 year old.** **

******Present Day** ** **

****“I kissed Dean,” He vocalizes to Charlie, without any preamble. Without any subterfuge. For someone to know this happened, for someone to know it was true.** **


	11. Truth to be told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean both handle the aftermath of the kiss. More disclosure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, are you still reading this, I am taking advantage of that it might still be monday somewhere. Also, the story is just going to reach its first climax, hope you will like that.
> 
> Also, winters are here- in India at least and I feel so good. :D

“What?” Charlie sputters. The only saving grace is her not drinking anything. The whole table would be covered with it then.

 

“Yes and I don’t know what to think of it.” Castiel confesses. He knows what he wants to think of it but what he does think may not be too important at this juncture of time.

 

“How?” Charlie malfunctions like a bad robot gone on a water trip.

 

“We were studying in the library and it happened.” Castiel sighed, he was supposed to keep this to himself. It was his, like the last time.

"But you like him? When did you start liking him? Because this seems like a recent development?" There was no way he could spin this. 

"No? I don't know, Charlie. He is not in the plan and he makes me so mad." He knew that this was no explanation of what has happened, what had transpired. Castiel had let his heart make decisions once more and it made no logical sense to pursue them any further.

Before Charlie could say anything, "It doesn't matter, it was an aberration and nothing else. I will not speak of it and you don't speak of it."

"No, you always do that. I don't even know why you shut yourself for a month last summer. I dont know understand how you are all friendly with Dean now, who you have hated all year. I am not understanding you right now and this will not fly," 

"Not, right now, I can't, Charlie. I myself don't grasp whole of it. Let me talk to Dean and sort this mess out and then I will tell you all. I promise," Castiel did vow internally to talk to Dean, he had couple of questions of his own. 

"Okay," Charlie was cautiously appeased

 

***

"Stop freaking out," Dean muttered to himself. He had driven from school and picked Sammy up.

"Dean, you won't believe what happened today, Gabriel put a whoopy cushion below our teacher Zachariah. The one who always picks on kids who he thinks are not smart enough. And I knew it would not be funny but it was so funny." Sam rambled on. Fidgeting in the passenger seat.

"And I got to be partners with Jessica for this science fair thing. And Ruby got detention. She was talking too much and I was sitting in the middle of them and it was awful." By this time, Sam finally realised that Dean has not even once spoken or teased him."

"Dean, Dean?"

"Yes, Sammy," Dean said.

"Were you listening to me, I told you so much and you don't even care. What is going on with you?" Sam had seen a change in Dean's behavior since last year. They used to hang out at the Novaks all the time but now, only Sam went there to hang out with Gabriel. 

"I am okay, Sammy, just tired. Have tons of homework, but who am I even complaining this to, you love homework, you giant nerd." Dean took one hand of the steering wheel and ruffled Sam's hair. 

"Yes, right," 

"Bitch," Dean felt a little normal. Better than whatever was going on before.

"Jerk," All was okay on some fronts.


	12. The Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Familiarity is often arises from the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter marks the end of all angst for now- for this fic, the next parts will be fluff. So if you are more into fluff, read them. They would mostly make sense. 
> 
> Also, hola people! Comment or leave kudos, :D if you like what I write here.

Flashback (Last to Last Summer)

Castiel and Dean became friends faster than anyone would have anticipated. They had been inseparable. Although- Castiel was a nerd and Dean- at least by virtue of his father was sort of a jock, they had stuck with each other. Getting classes together, playing, hanging out. 

"Hey Cas," Dean nudged Castiel's shoulder, they had been sitting side by side behind this huge oak tree in Castiel's backyard. This was their favorite spot. They used to get free early, so they would just sit here, read comics or they both would do their home work. Later when Gabriel and Sam came back from their practice, they all would hang out together.

Right now, when it was only them, Dean liked the best. He had discovered last summer that he liked Cas more than as a friend but he wasn't sure if he should tell that to Cas. Cas had never openly discussed their sexuality and it has been difficult to gauge for Dean to know what was actually going in this blue eyed human's mind. 

"Yes, Dean," Castiel was reading To Kill a Mocking Bird. He had gushed over this book to Dean. He had yet to read it. It seemed not his type, he liked his batman comics and Vonnegut but not much of a reader anyway. 

"We are going to highschool next year, are you excited?" He wanted to ease in this conversation. Dean didn't know if he could take it if Cas said no to him.

"Yes Dean, I know we had this conversation already," Cas sighed, he had seen Dean be more guarded, and he had no clue what has changed. 

"Right, so do you ever feel that you are living a lie by not telling the truth even if the person has no clue about it?" It was better to ask a generic question. 

"Well, depends, does hiding the truth, harms the other person and if it doesn't, maybe not telling it causing you guilt. In both ways, you are hurting someone," Cas, ever the wise, said. He was truly a homo sapiens. 

"Okay, so you know, last summer I went to this camp for baseball? And you know... I met someone there..." Well, he was shooting himself in the foot. Fuck.

"Dean, why did you not say anything, I am your best friend," Cas leaped up suddenly, his voice a little more loud and if Dean was not wrong, a lot redder than he would expect.

"Well you know, I didn't know what to tell you," he knew exactly what to say to him, he just didn't have the right words. He knew that meeting Aaron made him realise that he liked men. He had before an occasional crush on women, or actresses. He had discovered a lot more than that when he was 13. If you are home alone without anyone supervising, it was so much easier to get out with stuff. Well, the other party had to be interested, but his father had checked out a long time ago, just had Sam to look after.

"No, Dean, I am happy for you, I just don't know why you didn't tell me," Cas looked so small. He was still standing up and Dean sitting. Cas tried to move. But before he could, Dean stopped him with his hands on his shoulder and slowly made him turn.

"Just listen Cas, you know I have always liked women but I met this guy Aaron and I kind of liked him too. He flirted with me and I was flustered and didn't tell him that I was straight or anything. We didn't do anything or even go out on a date. It was more me finally realizing that I like men too, you know and I like one in particular. Because the only reason I didn't give in Aaron's advances was because I kept thinking about you." Dean took a deep breathe after he told Cas, what he had been itching to say for last one year. It had only grown, the attraction, the feelings.

"What?" Cas keep looking at him, agape. They both stood motionless, Cas still to understand what was going on and Dean waiting for Castiel to either make him or break him.

"Dean, I thought this would never come to be," His heart finally catching up to his head.


	13. Flashback 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When does anything ever happens according to the plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even reading this, if not :P I am reading this. Say hi or bye or anything at all, just let me know some people are reading this. 
> 
> The author is desperate enough to beg.

**Flashback (last to last summer)**

Dean could not believe what Castiel was saying. "Are you sure?" He wanted to hear him say the words, words that would be better than thousands fireworks going off on fourth of July. 

"I am sure, I have love you since the day you bought me an actual bee for my birthday. No one else, Dean, no one else," Castiel moved forward, on his own accord, with purpose.

"But.." Castiel silenced Dean, with his finger on those plush lips. 

"Later," Removing the finger, he bought his lips closer, asking for permission, then, Castiel kissed Dean, touched his chapped lips to the ones he dreamt about, there was not much finesse or any at all. It was pretty chaste, not heat, just warmth. They sat down, after some time, knowing that they had forever to be with each other. To know each other this way.

They are still behind the tree, happily chasing the bliss. Castiel had his head laying on Dean's shoulder and Dean murmuring about how he was going to re-build the impala the next summer and they could just pack their bags and go on road trips. Take Sammy with them and if Gabriel promised to not leave his sweets wrappers everywhere he was invited too. 

***

Both Dean and Castiel were lost in their dream world that was for once, same. The approaching footsteps were unheard, till John was right in front of them and he was furious. He must have been calling Dean for sometime. 

"Where were you boy, I was calling you and why are you here and where is Sammy," He towered over them, not only because he was standing and they were sitting, all from the fear of what was to come. They could smell cheap whiskey in the air, suffocating Dean and dread creeping in.

"I was here, Sir, Sammy is at Cas's house, doing homework with Gabriel," Dean surreptitiously untangled their hands and hoped against hope that dad had not seen that.

"Get him from their house, we will have dinner together," John ordered.

"Yes, Sir" He didn't want to argue. He needed Cas to be safe.

***

They ran as fast as they could, leaving John still beneath the tree, their safe place sullied, the fabric marred with black and blues and reds that reminded Dean of John's rage.

"What is going on, why did you not tell your father that Sam would be back in half an hour," Cas inquired.

"You don't know Dad, he would have just lost his temper and I didn't want you to witness it," Dean sighed, this was going to be bad, way worse than he imagined.

Dean and Cas had walked rest of the distance in silence, the air felling heavy and when Cas had pressed the doorbell, the shrill noise, shocking them back to the earthly plains. 

Gabriel had opened the door, looking at both Dean and Cas confused, not understanding why had not simply came in.

"Go call Sammy, tell him Dad wants to have dinner," Dean knew these would be the only words that would make Sam work promptly. And he didn't want to go himself, rather stay here, have five more minutes with Cas, not knowing what that dinner actually entailed.

"Cas," Words fell flat, how do you explain 10 years of worth of neglect and harsh words in a few sentences. How do you explain a childhood, that you have worked so hard on concealing. 

"Dean." Cas moved forward and kissed Dean. A promise that it will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you like what is going on here :)


	14. The John Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is violence in words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like this story, think about dropping a comment or a kudos. 
> 
> The author appreciates all those who have. I hope you are enjoying the ride. I sure am.

Dean walks back with a heavy heart. Knowing what his father's reaction might be. He waits for the fist on his face. He waits. The anticipation of it, a worse atrocity, than the violence itself. 

What awaits him, he was not prepared for that. Sam and his dad are actually at the dinner table and there seems to be take out too. There is palpable nervousness from both Sam and Dean. Sam, always at odds with his father and Dean knowing what is to come. 

"Come, son, sit," The ordinariness of the words is at war with the tension in the room. Dean's breathe stilled by virtue of how this could pass off as sunday dinner. Just a normal family. Just a regular dinner. 

Dean sits besides Sam and gives him a worried glance. Both their faces betraying the passiveness of it all. John doesn't say much or anything. Just grunts a 'let's eat' and they all begin. The dance of normalcy. 

Sam is shoving food in his face but Dean's stomach churns. He was supposed to be outside with Cas, behind their oak tree. Just one of those days, instead he sits here and wonders when John will flip the switch.

"Do you know about that?" John addresses Sam, instead of Dean. Sam is confused as to what his father is talking about. 

"About what?" Sam asks.

"Your brother being a fag?" All the air currently in Dean's lungs whooshes out, and shatters his heart. 

"What?" Sam sputters, Dean is still sitting, the spoon discarded, the food long forgotten. He wonders if now is the time he will get the punch he had awaited since he entered the house or Dad will show the courtesy and let Sam go to his room. 

"Yes, and Dean, you take your depravities and leave this house." He says calmly. His father has always been an aggressive SOB, not this, whatever this cold fury seething entity is. 

"Dad," Dean and Sam begin at the same time. 

John glares at them and orders, "Sam, go to your room, let the adults talk, maybe I can make him see the wrongness of his ways."

Sam looks at Dean, asking silently if he is okay or will be. Dean doesn't know. He knows theoretically, he will be safe, as much as he can be, Dad won't kill him. He just doesn't know, how much it would hurt to be alive. 

His little brother leaves and there were only two. Misery loves company but whatever is here is unhealthy. A tinge of molds, ruins all the cheese. Dean's brain has effectively shut down.

"Dad, look, it was not how it looked... I..." Dean starts.

John puts up a hand, and stops him. Now?

"So, you were not cradling that nerds head or you were not kissing him? Where Dean have I been wrong?" Why is his father not hitting him, he would like that. Better than these words. That twist something beautiful into an ugly mess.

"No, you don't talk. I talk. Stop talking to that nerd, stop thinking. No son of mine is a fairy. And you won't corrupt Sam with it, do you want Sam to be beaten up in school, because his brother likes it in his ass, answer me!" John shouts. The whole speech, just an increasing decibel count.

"I," That is not what their relationship about. Not now, at least. He doesn't know himself, how is it. 

"I just want an yes and no answer. You are already a disappointment, don't go on and become more." John is still eating and drinking his beer. The words spoken so casually, in spite of the sharpness, impaling Dean with them. A cross he would bear for the rest of his life.

"No, Sir," Dean, the solider of his father is back. The softness forgotten as a key to some obscure door. 

John grunts again and takes his beer with him. The dinner forgotten. As if knowing that he had averted the crisis. That him loving someone was a crisis. That this was wrong. The violence of his words forever ingrained in Dean's brain. 

***

Cas wonders if they had ended before even beginning.

He knows they had, when the next day, Dean doesn't acknowledge he exists. The world crumbling on its foundation. The devastation inert and unheard by anyone. The hurt leaving no bruises or scars. Only two shattered hearts.


	15. We go back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What you came for and what you got, my dear, are what life really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, finally the fluff comes, and it shall remain. See below for more notes

The fucking bench will be the death of them. Cas is itching to talk and Dean could feel his anticipation come in waves towards him. He wished he had words he could give to him, feelings that have remained unsaid in the wake of how his father had made him feel, he had felt powerless when his accusations had come flying towards him. Now, it seemed so juvenile to have let go of Cas. To have not said anything at all.

The point is that Dean understands that having Cas is always better than having none at all. 

"Talk to me, Dean, please," Cas whispers. Please. As if Dean is worthy of being begged to or even implored. He is nothing, when it comes to Cas. It is a burden everyone around him has to bear.

"Later, Cas, not now," He doesn't think he can have this conversation now. 

There is moving at its own pace and there he is, an island, where the winds don't go, time does slow, just him and Cas. Meg elbows him then. The pain reminding him where he is. 

"Yes, Mr Dean, would you like to tell me what theme is addressed in Catcher in the Rye?" Crowley is a scumbag and everyone knows it. He knows that everyone knows it. He makes life of every student miserable. 

"Uh, sir...." Dean has no clue what is going on in the class. He figures that if personal life is sorted he can sort his professional life later or school life. It might not even be important too. 

"Sir, we are not even studying Catcher in the Rye, you were telling some story about a demon called Asmodeus," Cas chimes in, in his recently broken voice. 

Everyone laughed, and Crowley looked like he would cause a bloody murder and it was hilarious. 

"Laugh it up all you want, but Mr Winchester, I want a report on that book's theme or I give you zero in individual project." He was right, this man was a hell hound.

Castiel without thinking, held on to Dean's hand. An act of solidarity and maybe friendship. Dean felt okay, no matter what Crowley thought, he had read the book. Suck on that Crowley. 

The class went through faster than he had imagined. Dean without thinking had left, running away.

"Wait, Dean, dammit wait." Cas then pulled Dean below the staircase. The one that was most abandoned and were they not a cliche.

"What, Cas, what?" Dean asked. 

Castiel was speechless, he had a whole point by point reasons for why they were a good idea, why they were always a good idea. It was what they needed. 

Maybe, words were the reason that they had failed in the first place. Actions, actions are what they needed, but with words.

"I am going to kiss you Dean and you are going to keep quiet unless you want to tell me why you haven't spoken to me for 2 years, almost." Cas growled or what seemed like one. 

Dean had not spoken a word, other than a yelp that involuntary left him when Castiel nipped his lips. 

They will talk, clear the air, till then, this whatever this was, would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or kudos. Life is too short for world not to appreciate.


	16. First Data

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dates, are for dates?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fluff begins 
> 
> (Self Indulgence mostly)

"Are we okay now?" Cas asks, after all that they have been through, Dean didn't anticipate these would be the words that would mark the beginning of their relationship. 

"Yes, I think so," Dean grunted. 

They were still beneath the stairs, closer to each other, breathing the same air. The second bell for the classes had rung and they both knew going now to the class will only bring more scrutiny to whatever they were.

"We should get out of the school, before we get detention," Cas said with a dead serious face.

"You wanna skip school with me Cas, I am flattered," The cocky boy that Cas knew from before was back and nothing would make him happier. 

In one of the most cheesiest of the cheesiest lines in history, Cas took out a date and asked Dean, "A date for a date?"

"Dork," Dean replied, as he plopped the date in his mouth. 

***

They ran outside from the bleachers, the chances of getting caught, more like naught. They were still running when they reached the car, Cas remembered when they had talked about Dean owing this car or at least having some rights over it and they could go out. "Some day, we will hop in baby and drive." Dean had said to him once. They had become jaded even before they had hit 18. 

"Don't think too much," Dean said, as he put one hand around Cas's waist and kissed his temple. 

"Okay," If this was what dating Dean got him, he was okay. 

"Where are we going?"

"Where we should have gone two years ago," This was the first time that either of them had talked about what transpired 2 years ago. They would talk about this, to clear the air but right now they had the date to get to.

Dean had beautiful hands, Cas mused, when he had his hand on the steering wheel. The way he handled the car, it did something to Cas. Made me wonder how those hands will feel on other places, on him. He had had enough time while they were not talking to think about how life would have turned out to be. The six months in the last two years of hell, had made him appreciative more of the way things have gone. 

They reached the roadhouse, the place where Dean part-timed as a server. He had been here since he was 14, Ellen hiring Dean out of compassion and also Dean was stubborn and pig headed all of the times. 

"Okay, here we are," Dean got out and was waiting for Cas. It seemed natural, there was no awkwardness in their interaction. There were no first date jitters. 

The roadhouse looked the same as he had seen at 14. It was a biker dive joint but a lot cleaner. Ash was behind the bar counter, cleaning and arranging.

"Hey, Ash," Dean greeted him and Ash nodded back.

"Kitchen started yet?" Cas was standing there, taking in the surroundings and knowing that he was with Dean. Even if he would not acknowledge what they maybe.

"Yes, and who is the fella?" Ash smirked. He knew how the question was put up, the teasing there without the malicious intent. 

"This is Cas, he is a friend, that is Ash, he mans the bar here," Dean had smile, that he most of the time hides, not wanting the world to see how much something or someone could mean to him. 

"We gonna grab a table," Dean tugged at Cas's hand and took him. Once they had seated, Jo gave them the menu. where did the girl come from. One minute they were sitting there and next there was a person taking their older. 

It would seem as if a ghost had apparated, "Son of a bitch, Joanna Beth, you gave me a start," Dean jumped out of his seat.

"You sound like a fifty year old woman, who is the guy?" Jo quipped.

"This is Cas as I told Ash, who most likely told you about what is going on here, so why are you faking surprise here?" 

"Ah, this is so that Cas here, doesn't run off screaming, knowing how you are,"

Cas observed the banter with a mild fascination, they had always hung out with their siblings, never with friends and this good-natured ribbing meant that Dean had found some friends. People he could count on. 

"I am here, with Dean, always," Cas added his two cents to the conversation. 

"Are you now," Jo held no prisoners. 

"So, Cas, this is Jo, she is Ellen's daughter and a big pain in the ass," Dean introduced Jo.

"Now Jo, we will take two burgers, side of fries and two shakes," Dean added, before Jo could speak.

"Yeah, yeah, coming right up. I will get out of your hair," Jo left, going back to the kitchen. 

They were alone, mostly. Ash had left the bar and was playing some pool and other booths were empty as it was too early for anyone to be here. It was private. 

"So..."

"So..." Their knees bumped beneath the table, touching inconspicuously. And soon their hands too joined. A natural progression of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are welcomed


	17. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update

Hi everyone, 

Who ever is reading this, I am sorry for not updating for three straight weeks. It has been awful- i had no internet connectivity, then i tried writing a new chapter but I just couldn't. There was no inspiration. So, I am going to stop here. It is kind of complete. 

I may come back and finish the story as originally planned.

I am so sorry, to that one person who made an account, I will try to get the Gabriel/Kali chapter update. I promise you that.

Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I am  wheniwrite28  on tumblr, maybe check that out too.


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